- 1 Face the Press
Credits with flowers and man with chicken body; Face the Press- Minister in a pink tulle dress; The New Gas Cooker Sketch; animation- flying monarch; dirty old man and billboard `I like a bit of pram please'; Ministry of Silly Walks; Ethel the Frog looks at the rise and fall of Doug and Dinsdale Piranha; announcer, hermit; credits with Spiny Norman.
Air Date: 1970-09-15
- 2 The Spanish Inquisition
Man flying into cliff; credits; Jarrow- New Years Eve 1911, interrupted by Spanish Inquisition; man asked to be in a sketch with a novelty salesman, man's head borrowed for animation- eyeball stolen and shot in cannon; new tax proposed on `thingie'; man on the street- What I would tax; snapshots with the Spanish Inquisition; animation- I confess!; semaphore version of Wuthering Heights, Julius Caesar on an Aldis Lamp, Gunfight at the O.K. Corral in Morse Code and the smoke signal version of Gentlemen Prefer Blondes; charades in the Criminal Court, judge on trial, credits, Spanish Inquisition late for court.
Air Date: 1970-09-22
- 3 DÃ©jÃ Vu
Woman undresses by window, announcer by window; exploding animals; Hermit; credits; A bishop practicing for show #8, `This way please!' to the flying lesson sketch `Oh, Oh, Oh! No more butter scones for me Mater, I'm off to play the grand piano! Pardon me while I fly my aeroplane!'; BALPA spokesman protests; airplane hijacking sketch `don't anybody move, except of course for certain involuntary movements'; bus hijacking sketch; The poetry of Ewen MacTeagle `Can You Lend Me Fifty Pounds to Mend the Shed'; exploding animals, scotsman protests McTeagle sketch, gynecologist on his lunch hour; animation- little girl and men, hands and a lasso; psychiatric milkmen; complaints; psychiatric dairies, This way please; It's the Mind- the strange phenomenon of deja-vu; credits.
Air Date: 1970-09-29
- 4 The Buzz Aldrin Show
animation- drab caterpillar guy turns to game-show-host-type butterfly; credits; Gumbies introduce sketches; Architect Sketch; recognizing a free mason and cure; Gumbies; Insurance Sketch; The Bishop! a C of E film; housing problem of the aged; Poet Board- poet reads weather; discussing censorship `semprini?'; the chemist sketch featuring A Not At All Naughty Chemists Ltd., shoplifter and Police Superintendent Pan Am; Gumbies, Gumbettes; credits.
Air Date: 1970-10-20
- 5 Live from the Grill-O-Mat
BBC1, announcer live from a Painton snack bar; credits; announcer- the hors d'oeuvre; Blackmail!; the Society for Putting Things on Top of Other Things turns into a German prison camp; animation- the escape; announcer- the dish; Population Explosion- new talk show; animation- more of the escapees; Prawn Salad Ltd. `Hello Officer, there seems to have been an accident'; escapees meet bishop still practicing from show #5; announcer- the dessert; Seven Brides for Seven Brothers a school play; animation- Teddy and Neddy hunting piggy banks; butchershop sketch `Oh, thank you says the great queen like a la-te-da poofter!'; announcer- the coffee; Ken Clean-Air Systems the great white hope of British boxing `nobody knows why'; waitress reads announcers note, announcer on bus; credits.
Air Date: 1970-10-27
- 6 It's a Living
It's a Living explains it's rules; BBC1 tells time on both networks; animation- This Way Please!; credits; announcers appears to tell us why he is unable to appear; presentation of school prizes by thieving impostors; Mr. L.F. Dibley defends his films (IF, 2001, Midnight Cowboy , Finnian's Rainbow and Rear Window) on a TV talk show; Foreign secretary speaks on canoeing and Arabs throw him into lake, Arabs throw others into lake; dinner party interrupted by Book of the Month club dung, Dead Indian with new gas cooker and the M4 motorway; animation- other prizes; Timmy Williams Coffee Time; Raymond Luxury-Yacht (Throatwarbler-Mangrove) goes on a talk show; animation- pnuematic lady welcomes sexual athletes; marriage registrar misunderstands mans request; animation- Prince with a spot of `CANCER' not the audio dubbed `Gangreen' (see episode 24), `Yes, black as the ace of spades!'; Election Night Special- Sensible, Slightly Silly, Silly and Very Silly parties, candidates include Jethro Q.
Air Date: 1970-11-03
- 7 The Attila the Hun Show
The Attila the Hun Show!; song: With a Little Love by the Hunlets; credits; Attila the Nun, doctor examines lady to `The Stripper'; Secretary of State for the Commonwealth delivers an address on Agrarian policies while stripping; political groupies; Ratcatcher sketch; scientist researches new strain of sheep; animation- killer sheep on the lamb; news for parrots; adaptation of Tale of Two Cities for parrots; Today in Parliament; news for Wombats; animation - Attila the Bun; the Art of Idioting - `I may be an idiot, but I'm no fool'; Cricketing from Lords; animation- cricket match played by furniture, Epsom Downs furniture racing; Mrs. Scum wins a blow on the head; credits.
Air Date: 1970-11-11
- 8 Archaeology Today
BBC-1 previews what's coming on, Variety and then there's Sport!; credits; animation- toe from credits found in dig; Archaeology Today- interviewer obsessed with peoples heights; Flaming Star- singing archaeologists' revenge against interviewer from previous sketch; an appeal to overcome sanity by the Reverend Arthur Belling of St. Looney Up the Cream Bun and Jam; Leapy Lee makes an appeal on behalf of the National Truss, boxer KO's Leapy; man tries to exchange wife at registry office; abandoned sketch; animation- Muggsy Spaniel and Eggs Diamond; the Git family at a party; nice version of the preceding sketch; boxer KO's nun; Hank and Roy Spim, Aussie hunters stalk mosquitoes `There's nothing more dangerous than a wounded mosquito'; justices in disrobing room; Mrs Thing and Mrs. Entity discuss the subject of doing nothing and Beethoven and his Mynah bird `Sod the sugar bowl!', `Stuff the jam spoon!', Shakespeare, Michelangelo, W.A. Mozart, Colin Mozart ratcatcher at the Beethoven's fla
Air Date: 1970-11-17
- 9 How to Recognise Different Parts of the Body
Ladies in bikinis, announcer in bikini, Hermit in bikini; credits; How to Recognize Different Parts of the Body; University of Wallamaloo staff meeting for the Philosophy department `Rule 1: No Poofters!'; body parts; interviewer with Norman St. John Polevaulter a man who contradicts people; body parts; Mr. Luxury-Yacht (Throatwarbler-Mangrove) seeks a nose job and camping holiday; and now a precision display of bad temper; close order swanning about `Oooh, get her. Whoops! I got your number duckie, you couldn't afford me dear 2,3. I'll scratch your eyes out! Don't come the Brigadier bit with us dear, we all know where you've been, you military fairy, 2,3. 1,2,3,4,5,6,7 Whoops, don't look now girls the major just minced in with the jolly colour sergeant. 2,3! Oooh.'; animation- ballet, generals, old lady trips bus, The Killer Cars, mutant cat and hand; Verrifast Plaine Co. Ltd. offers no frills flight to America; re-enactment of the first heart transplant by the Battley Townswomen's G
Air Date: 1970-11-24
- 10 Scott of the Antarctic
`Le Fromage Grand'- lady and a revolutionary in garbage dump `I see you have a cabbage', film reviewer, another dump; the filming of Scott of the Antarctic `Gleet! Gleet!' which becomes Scott of the Sahara `I gotta fight the lion!', `See Scott's death struggle with a huge African lion!' and a 40 foot tall electric penguin with tentacles; announcer; credits; animation- stepping on people, Conrad's dancing teeth, a letter; man tries to license his pet fish Eric; Derby Council 15 comes out for second half with Lord Mayors and their ladies and the Gynecologists Association versus the Long John Silver Impersonators; credits.
Air Date: 1970-12-01
- 11 How Not to Be Seen
Conquistador Instant Coffee becomes Conquistador Instant Leprosy `S. Frog, sir', needle stuck on recording of announcer; credits; Ramsey MacDonald in ladies underwear `My it's hot in here'; job interview at swap center; animation- Miss Johnson destroyed by Chinese Communist conspiracy, Crelm toothpaste and U.S. defense only protection, Shrill gas mileage test; Neville Shunt's `It All Happened on the 8:13 From Gillingham', Shunt, Gavin Milnarrrr reviews the play; announcer & interviewer obsessed with teeth, shows clips from Martin Curry's film Julius Incisor; man on the street `I've been in the city...'; Crackpot Religions Ltd. to Cartoon Religions Ltd. [ see below ]; H.M Government Public Service Film No. 42 Para 6 How Not to Be Seen; interview with a man trying not to seen, Jackie Charleton and the Toenails sing `Yummy Yummy' while trying not to be seen; credits; for those who just missed Monty Python here it is again.
Air Date: 1970-12-08
- 12 Spam
The Black Eagle, announcer; credits; Hungarian at the tobacconists `Do you want? Do you want? To come back to my place bouncy! bouncy!', `My nipples explode with delight!'; Alexander Yalk prosecuted for obscene Hungarian phrasebook; justices in sensational press; animation- 2001 soccer ball; World Forum: Karl Marx, Che-Guevara, Lenin and Mao Tse Tung answer questions on English football; animation- and now for a bit of fun; 1914 Ypres movie set crowded; figures from paintings go out on strike; sketch about Ypres resumes `Dip, dip, dip. My little ship. Sailed on the O-Cean, You are it!'; mental hospital for overacting; animation- Hamlet ward, bombs to flowers; flower arranging by D.P. Gumby; spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam and spam `I don't like SPAM!', song- Spam, historian, more spam; credits.
Air Date: 1970-12-15
- 13 Royal Episode 13
Announcer reveals that the Queen will be watching this show; Royal credits; Royal Episode 13: 1st spoof, coal miners argue over historical dates; newsreader; The Toad Elevating Moment features a man who says things in a roundabout way, a man who speaks the ends of words, a man who says the beginning of words and a man who says ends of words; animation- dragon with bad breath, Crelm toothpaste, concrete truss; how to feed goldfish by an irresponsible man; tape recorder in a bush, a waiter and Herbert Mendel: a man who collects birdwatcher's eggs, butterfly catchers and races pigeon fanciers; animation- Spiny Norman, bomber and Madonna; insurance sketch; Queen tunes in and out; doctors discourage lying around hospital by patients; exploding `Blue Danube Waltz'; dorm at a girl's public school; high school girls re-enact invasion of Normandy, housewives in a submarine; animation- the firing of Mrs. Nesbitt; letter of protest; sailors in a lifeboat discuss who's for dinner; letter of protes
Air Date: 1970-12-22
- 14 Royal Episode 13
Announcer reveals that the Queen will be watching this show; Royal credits; Royal Episode 13: 1st spoof, coal miners argue over historical dates; newsreader; The Toad Elevating Moment features a man who says things in a roundabout way, a man who speaks the ends of words, a man who says the beginning of words and a man who says ends of words; animation- dragon with bad breath, Crelm toothpaste, concrete truss; how to feed goldfish by an irresponsible man; tape recorder in a bush, a waiter and Herbert Mendel: a man who collects birdwatcher's eggs, butterfly catchers and races pigeon fanciers; animation- Spiny Norman, bomber and Madonna; insurance sketch; Queen tunes in and out; doctors discourage lying around hospital by patients; exploding `Blue Danube Waltz'; dorm at a girl's public school; high school girls re-enact invasion of Normandy, housewives in a submarine; animation- the firing of Mrs. Nesbitt; letter of protest; sailors in a lifeboat discuss who's for dinner; letter of protest; animation- cannibal snacks; protests; undertaker outlines alternatives for a man's dead mother, audience rebels as Queen tunes back in; credits.
Air Date: 1970-12-22